Viruses SUCK!

 

Jeeeez it’s been a challenging week!

 

I have been flattened by a nasty virus that left me housebound, coughing and energetically very depleted. Add bad PMS to that and it was a recipe for very high emotions. It was very hard to relax and allow my body to heal when I found myself worrying endlessly about the future: where I was going to live, what I was going to do with my healing gifts and website, perfumes, whether I wanted to do a full languages degree, what was the next step, how I would make a successful business… These worries have been on my mind a lot the past few months, but I was able to distract myself with day to day life. Now with very little means of distraction and feeling bad cabin fever, the worries felt like a huge monster I couldn’t escape.

 

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At least 3 different people have told me that I have typical ‘M.E./C.F.S personality’– in that I want to do everything all at once and I want it all now!!! My brain is always highly active- both a blessing and a curse- and I am impatient in my development as a healer and clairvoyant.

 

In the end, what helped settle my system was a wonderful Reiki session, and my practitioner confirmed to me what I suspected: that this virus was my body resetting after the intensive retreat in Finland, and a chance for my energy system to clear out the old patterns and reintegrate.

 

During this time I had a lot of time to reflect. (Probably too much time), combined with this time of the month being Waxing Moon, the time of creating and manifesting, I decided on what I will be putting my energy into in the next few months.

 

So here are my plans

 

Perfume
In the middle of March I will be travelling to my favourite village in the world (or perhaps England); Glastonbury. The Mecca for all hippies, witches and healers, I travelled there for the first time back in August with my friend Leo and I fell deeply in love with this magical place.

 

Glastonbury

 

I will be doing a two day intensive perfume workshop with Marina Barcenilla of The Perfume Garden to fully ground in the craft so I can finally work on relaunching my natural perfumes.

 

I am going to be focussing on them again, because I have such positive feedback from people and customers, so it seems a waste not to put more energy into them.

 

Moving
I also have big news in that I will be moving house! I am not sure how much I will share on here just yet, because the house I live in at the moment is known as a Therapeutic Community, which I have lived in or 4 years, plus 3 and a half years in another in London before. I have seen every kind of behaviour, distress and addiction while living here, that should quite possibly fill a book. But for now I will just say that this will be a huge change for me, taking yet another step into the big, wide world as an adult.

 


 

New Website!!
I am in the process of transferring my website to my own domain, and changing the theme and layout! I am gigglingly excited about this, and once I have my **brand new sparkly website!!** I intend to start a newsletter with a juicy free opt in for subscribers, and do more guest posting on other websites. This website will cover all that I do: my writing, healing and clairvoyance and natural perfumes.

 

I am just having very annoying technical difficulties with the server and hosting, which I really hope will be resolved soon.

 

Squeee!!!

 

Finland
The next juicy retreat: Now called Love Core,  will be in Finland at Easter. I would love to go, but alas, I don’t think my energy system is quite ready for another intense time, so soon after the last one, so I won’t be going. But I highly recommend this retreat for working on your deepest blocks and patterns with sexuality, click on the link above which will take you to the website, and tell them I sent you.

 

 

And I will make damn sure that I can get to the following one!

 


Videos!
Inspired by Amira Alvarez’s 7 Day Visibility Challenge, I will be venturing into the world of video. I am very much a rookie in this, and my first few attempts have made me see why it is such an art (wobbling the computer when I make animated hand gestures, bad webcam quality, fluffing up what I am supposed to be saying, realising that my face looks quite grumpy when I’m not, lighting, hair that will not cooperate). But I am not (too) daunted! You will be hearing my voice and seeing my face moving, and hearing my ramblings.

 


 

And finally…

 

Self love priority

 

Here are my jazzy trousers that I just love the colours of, that I decided will be the colour(s) I associate with self love and connection.
Self Love Trousers

 

Helen wonderful Reiki practitioner gave me a simple technique to press my thumb and forefinger of my right hand while visualising this colour spreading through my body. Do this at least once a day for the next 28 days. I’m also revisiting old techniques in self love, and integrating self love into my being.

 

So here’s to March, and indeed the rest of 2015.
I am so. Fricking. Excited.

 

Lucy Rowett Juice and Jasmine

Why I have serious issues with the Psychic Community

Issues

 

Don’t get me wrong, I still love it because of all the growth, information and amazing people I have met. I couldn’t imagine life without spiritual practise, and being psychically aware. I am a student psychic after all!

 

But there is one thing that bugs me

 

In my (limited, granted) experience of other psychic development groups, they seem to focus on clairvoyance and activating your third eye. You are receiving information through your mind, by remaining in a state of neutrality.

 

I do believe this is a very important gift, and I do believe there is a need for it, but I personally believe it is a limited psychic ability.

 

By just using your third eye and putting your attention just on your mind, I believe it makes you too mind based.

 

Too mind based

 

Being mind based means that you have little contact or awareness of your body, and your emotions. You try and override yourself by thinking, and bypass uncomfortable feelings by ‘positive thinking’. In my own personal experience of living with M.E./C.F.S., a therapy that has been making waves in the M.E./C.F.S. community is Mickel/Reverse Therapy. It is a therapy that stipulates that the body is always talking to us, and that physical symptoms are an emotional message that is not being listened to and expressed. Hence, when ignored, the symptoms become worse, and when listened to and acted on, the symptom disappears and the body heals.

 

Alex Howard, a pioneer in the world of C.F.S, in his own clinic ‘The Optimum Health Clinic’, said on one of his podcasts on M.E. and anxiety, that in our society we live ‘from the neck up’, meaning we are too into our heads and not in our bodies. All our energy and focus is literally in our heads, so that we are not fully experiencing our emotions, which leads to all sorts of physical and emotional problems. I could expand on this more, but perhaps that should be for another post.

 

Suffice it to say that all the healing and recovery I have made has been from actively connecting with my body, and away from my over chattering mind. By really tuning in to what my body was saying, and being in touch with it’s feedback, I was able to make better decisions for my health and sanity.

 

 

So when I started my psychic development course and started with the traditional methods of using my third eye, I immediately became anxious and all the energy shot up to my head. I was literally gritting my teeth trying to squeeze out information, and in the end it was too much and made my symptoms worse. This happened also when I attended other psychic development groups and meditation groups, because all the energy was focussed on the mind and of flying out of the crown chakra. I would end up leaving these groups feeling dizzy, faint and completely ungrounded.

 

It was so frustrating because I wanted to be ‘psychic’, and I thought that yet again, there was something wrong with me and my illness was getting in my way.

 

My teacher saw this and when she saw how I lit up by explaining the healing and joy I have experienced from reconnecting with my body and my sexuality, and how I was passionate about sacred sexuality, she burst out, ‘Aha! The key to your abilities is in your vagina!’.

 

Just stick with me here, I know this might seem a bit extreme.

 

I found that by activating my sexual and sacral centres, and then by listening to whatever information I received though my body and felt sense, I had found my missing key! By doing tantric exercises, and actively working on healing my sacral area- yoni, womb, pelvic area, base chakra, I felt clearer and much more connected to myself and the world around me. I could much easier decipher information, and verify whether it was accurate based on the signals my body was giving me, and noticing when something was coming from my chattering mind or not.

 

In Red Hot and Holy (my favourite book, by the way), Sera Beak says how in spiritual community and in things like meditation, yoga and psychic development- even though a predominately female practise- the focus is on white light, transcendence, peace, purity and detachment.

 

How boring

 

The idea is to ascend through the chakras, thus meaning that the lower chakras are simply mundane and must be avoided.

 

She says that this is actually a rather masculine approach to spirituality, and is only one half of the equation.

 

While this is vitally important, the feminine qualities of feeling, passion, desire and hot primal earthy power are decidedly under appreciated, or even rejected. Infact, in most spiritual practices and books, emotions are seen to be fickle and not to be trusted, and the body is seen to be something to master and transcend. And desire and sexuality? They must be transcended! They are too earthy!

 

Does this seem unbalanced to anyone?

 

We need our bodies

 

We are in a human body for a reason, our emotions are powerful allies, and the lower chakras are just as important and vital to our development as the upper chakras.
 

 

In her book, ‘Urban Tantra’, Barbara Carrellas, she says that often in many Tantric teachings, the aim is to use the orgasm to push the energy up and out of the crown. But she instead encourages to use the orgasm to go further into the body, an implosion rather than explosion. While her work is controversial because she uses sex as the focus in Tantra, (which has many Tantra purists shrieking in indignation) I personally believe that she is a pioneer in showing that the taboo can be just as sacred as being a celibate monk, the body is just as sacred as the spirit and desire is just as sacred as abstinence.

 

Fully embody

 

To be fully in our bodies, in our emotions, in our lower chakras.

 

This is especially for women, because we are more heart centered and attuned to our bodies. And because our wombs are huge spiritual powerhouses. I really recommend the book, ‘Womb Wisdom’, by Anaiya Sophia, who explains the vital importance of the womb for women’s spiritual development, and physical wellbeing.

 


 

In my experience, often when you start embracing alternative spirituality, you absorb all these new ideas and theories on metaphysics, consciousness, and the power of our thoughts. You are full of all these brilliant new ideas and thoughts and so you fly up and out of your head into the heavens and run away with your mind, without being grounded or integrated. In short, it is too ‘mind’ based. 

 

But when you work with your body as an ally, and when you embrace your emotions: you are more whole and integrated. You are more grounded, more present and less likely to run away with unhealthy beliefs. One example I can think of is a friend telling me how he came across a YouTube video of a spiritual teacher who at first spoke quite reasonably, and then finished off by predicting that by 2015 we will have all turned into goats.

 

Yes that’s right, Goats.

 

I wonder, if he had verified this information he received with his body, would his answer have been different?

 

With this same friend, we discussed how often people who are into spirituality are often very spiritually advanced, but somehow still have a lot of emotional and psychological issues. For me, this is easy to understand, if you give little importance to your emotions and your felt experience, how can you fully heal?

 

Thankfully, I am seeing a resurgence of the importance of the body within spiritual teachings. This is mainly due to the increasing popularity of Tantra, which is a very body based practise, along with the Goddess movement and the teachings of Mary Magdalene. Mercedes Kirkel explains in her two books channelled by Mary Magdalene, affirms how powerful an ally our emotions are. That we need to fully embrace them and work with them to be able to ascend.

 

Focus on the body

 

We need to be going further inwards to find our truths, rather than outwards. I desire to see a new wave (or rather a resurgance of a very old wave) of intuitive healers and psychics who use their body in their work just as much as their third eye.

 

A true return of the feminine path to God.

 

 

This is why in my readings and healings, I firmly ground in my sacral, my yoni and my body.
And take a look at these juicy cards!

 

Juicy Tarot Cards

 

I really rate these ladies and their work, for more teachings on the importance of the body, emotions and sexuality in spiritual practise:

 

 


 

Do you think that some spirituality is too mind based?

What do you think of the importance of the body for spiritual and psychic development?

~ Tell me in the comments below! ~

Or tell me on my Facebook page.

Or in a private message.

I want to hear from you!

A Valentine’s Message for all singles

 

For all of you who are single, or simply feel unloved this Valentine’s day, I send this gentle reminder to you that love always starts with yourself first.

 

If we cannot love ourselves, then we cannot truly love or accept love from a partner. If we cannot love ourselves but desperately crave it from the outside, we end up attracting the wrong type of relationships.

So love yourself first, my loves!

 

Valentine's Affirmations

 

I send you all the love of the universe, the divine and the infinite pool of love that exists within you. 

Lucy xx

My Transformational Retreat in Finland, part 2

Nakedness, Dearmouring and Life Purpose

 

I went on the most transformational, life changing retreat in Finland, organised by De’an Matuka. It opened me up, and made me question all that I held taboo, and hidden.

 

So what else did I experience?

 

Nakedness

 

In this retreat I became naked.

 

Yes, often I had no clothes on and it didn’t feel in the slightest bit smutty. On the first night, we had a traditional Finnish sauna, and if you didn’t know, in Finland you do sauna naked. So imagine a small, very hot and sweaty wooden box with about 15 naked strangers in there (when it only really had space for 7 comfortably) who then occasionally run outside to jump into the frozen lake.  A whole group of us, completely starkers, in a hot sweaty room. I could just imagine the look of horror on a conservatives face!

 

There were other occasions where I had my clothes off in the group, and I can’t begin to describe not just how freeing it was, but how natural it felt. This was me, with nothing to hide behind. And this was everyone else with nothing to hide behind. It did so much in helping me with my body image, and feeling confidant in my body.

 

Infact, I would like to be bold enough to say that I think that so many body dysmorphia problems and eating disorders would be healed if you just spent an afternoon, or weekend naked with a group of strangers.

 

Revealing Everything

 

In this, this was the first time that I was allowing myself to be seen. I looked deeply into many people’s eyes.  It felt like I was truly knowing and seeing this person, and that everything else was just the outer layers. It felt so nourishing to look deep into their souls, to see past all the external layers, masks and bullshit and truly see them.
 


 

Build Men Up
As much of a passionate feminist I am, I realised how much unconscious hatred of men I have. And also how I am inadvertently tearing them down. All women do.

 

A real surprise for me was learning how damaging and traumatising it is to a man to feel emasculated. De’an said how for a man to be cut down by a woman feels like being castrated. He told us women that we can make or break a man, and by building him up, he becomes more of the MAN we want him to be. We do not need to diminish our power as women by building up the men in our lives, and it benefits us too.

 

Be a Man

 

As I said, we talked a lot about our genitals, and De’an discussed how many men carry a very deep shame of their penises, and so are not fully able to inhabit them and their power. So in this next exercise, we were going right down into that pain, shame and trauma held there, and us women in our yonis.

 


 

De-armouring

 

By far, the most intense, painful yet deeply cathartic and healing session for me was De-armouring.

 

Our bodies are powerful vessels, that contain so much wisdom, but also all our trauma and hurts. And this restricts us sexually and in being grounded in our femininity or masculinity. De-armouring is the core of De’an’s work. So we had to find a partner we felt safe with, and we were going to internally de-armour each other. This is a specific technique and is not a pleasurable experience, it is not sex, it is an act of service and deep releasing. I already knew who I wanted and he accepted, because I felt safe with him and that he would be able to contain me. I wasn’t nervous about my turn beforehand, because I wanted to get into my pain and release it, I was more nervous at whether I would hurt my partner and if I could do it correctly.

 

When it came to it, all the men were lying down on mattresses while the women held them, giving them loving energy. We looked deeply into eachother’s eyes and connected at the heart. The foundation of this exercise was to feel safe and loved, and to come from this place of love.

 

And then we started. Pretty soon all the men were roaring into that deep pain that they were holding. It was a primal, raw lion roar. I was scared that I was doing the technique correctly, and my partner was giving me feedback the whole time. It felt good to me to be able to hold him, and help him heal his deep pain. And in this I truly saw a man’s vulnerability and his pain, which I had been previously scared of seeing.

 

Deep Service

 

My turn.
I was shocked at how much anger came up. My yoni was a fearsome, furious lion. I screamed and swore at my partner and tried to hit him. I roared out my deep hatred of men, and how they had violated my body. This coming from deep within my body, long stored and pushed down. I felt how it had been there for a very long time, stagnating in my system like rotting food. Sometimes it was too much and I had to ask him to stop because it was so intense. I could feel myself shaking and the energy rushing out of my hands, which is a sign of the energy being finally released.

 

At the close he held me and looked deeply into my eyes. A strong masculine presence.that I had needed for so long. I have never felt as beautiful and secure when lying his arms after this de-armouring.

 

Completely Open

 

‘You have never looked more beautiful’, he told me.

 

And so I learnt the real beauty of allowing my vulnerability to show.

 

The final workshop was to be the most painful, the most deep and the most intense, but by this time my body and emotions were shot to pieces, and my M.E. symptoms of fatigue was really setting in and I felt tripped out of my body. So I was gutted that I had to miss this workshop and spend a couple of hours sleeping and reintegrating. I don’t want to go into the details of this because I don’t feel I could do it justice without having done and experienced it, but from what was described and what De’an told us, it was to deeply rewire out brains and our projecting our mum/dad issues onto our lovers and partners.
 


 

So, what do I want to take from this life changing experience?

 

So much.

 

To begin with, the fact that I managed to travel to FINLAND! A country I have never been to before and spoke none of the language. I travelled completely alone, although I knew who I was meeting and where. This pushed me out of what I thought I was able to do physically and emotionally, and made me realise that when something is completely right for me, then my body can do it. I learned through the Chrysalis Effect that when something is in line with your soul and life purpose, then your body gets stronger and heals. Because in my heart, gut and yoni, this retreat felt right for me, I could push myself beyond my limits.

 

Second, I want to take the ability to be able to cast off my inhibitions and let my true self out. It felt like I was able to cast off the shackles in my body and finally dance. When I arrived home in Eastbourne finally on Monday night, I was all sweaty and tired from travelling all day and so I decided to strip naked while I unpacked. I turned on my music, and sang my heart out while dancing around my room, no shackles. After years of feeling in chains, I felt like I could finally breathe and let my soul and body express themselves.

 

Third, I learned that it is OK to show my vulnerability. Although I do show it on here, in my personal life I crack jokes and show a very confidant front, but now I realise that I don’t have to act confidant all the time, and I can show my more fragile side, and be loved!

 

And finally, I feel like I found my inner juice, and I found my life purpose.

 

Sexuality

 

Because sexuality and sexual healing has been such an integral part of my healing process. And because sexuality is where we store our deepest, most darkest, most hidden fears and patterns. Sex is the most taboo topic that we ALL have traumas and blockages around. It is the subject that makes us most uncomfortable, most passionate, most angry, most powerful.

 

The way I see it: how can we truly heal ourselves if we are not including our sexuality? Because it is an INTEGRAL part of who we are as humans, it is integral to our psyche’s and our emotional and physical makeup. 

 

 

I am full to bursting with gratitude for this wonderful, life changing experience. It was the brightest, fullest and happiest start to my 2015, and I feel charged up to make the rest of this year the best so far!

 

If you enjoy reading my posts I would LOVE to hear from you in the comments below, or via my facebook page!

 

 

 

 

I went on a retreat that has honestly CHANGED MY LIFE! Part 1.

Willing to go into Darkness

 

I have just returned from the most intense, powerful, exhausting, exhilerating, loving, juicy, sexy and transformational retreat. An experience that I can honestly say has changed my life.

 

I went to Finland, to a country I have never been to before, to go on the most intense retreat organised by De’an Matuka. When I told people about it, they thought it was crazy and dangerous and discouraged me from going. But my heart and my gut were giving me an almighty YES. I just knew I HAD to go. No excuses. I knew that this would be crucial in my development and healing journey

 

I don’t know how to describe the retreat, because it was a mix of many different disciplines, which De’an has practised and worked with in his life, both personally and professionally. A mix of Tantra, Biodanza, Reparenting, Emotional processing, Bodywork, somatic awareness.

 

And yes, the key component of the retreat was sexuality. This was a retreat in which we were working through our deepest fears in our sexuality and desires, in which everything within us was laid bare.

 

Nothing hidden

 

The retreat was 4 days, with 2 workshops a day and with a sexy play party on the Friday and Saturday evenings, which was also a session. In between we ate together and could just relax and talk and we were often giving each other massages and energy healing.

 

I’m not going to lie, I did struggle a lot through this, both emotionally and physically. It felt like a complete workout for my soul, where all my patterns, fears and struggles were brought up and laid bare, including my struggles with the fatigue and M.E. And what then added to the mix was I developed a nasty cough a few days before I left, which continued to get worse for a few days. It meant I had to miss the first workshop which I was gutted about.

 


 

In the welcoming session, we all sat down in a circle, feeling slightly awkward and nervous as to what was going to happen. De’an said that this was not going to be a relaxing retreat, this was going to be hard and we were going to be going down into our deepest, darkest pain. He wanted us to push our comfort zones because that is the way that you grow, and that by the end of this we would be feeling exhausted.

 

No Bullshit

 

The foundation of this retreat was learning how to say Yes, No or Maybe. And if it was a No, it was with the greatest respect and love. And then accepting someone’s No. We all suffer with the pain of rejection. But here we learned that it is life: If someone says No to you, it doesn’t mean they hate you, but that it doesn’t feel right. I think everyone struggles with rejection.

 

To have people say No to me was hard because being rejected is one of my trigger points. But I learned that it is far better that the person say No than to ignore themselves and it not be right for them. This was infact the hardest, most painful lesson for me, and it resulted in me howling into the strong arms of a big Norwegian man while hitting him in frustration. But that was also healing, in allowing myself to be vulnerable and fully express my pain in a man’s arms, and have him be able to hold me in that.

 

Now I feel more secure to have people say No to me. And it has made me question how able I am to say No to people.

 

Another key component of this retreat was physical intimacy, and expressing love physically. If I wanted to hold and caress someone, I could. That freedom of expressing love, and that it didn’t have to lead to sex. I could sit with my legs intertwined with a man, or woman, caress each other’s arms, nuzzle into the neck, but it wasn’t with the expectation that it would lead to sex, which is how we usually behave. We were simply enjoying the journey and enjoying the intimacy, and nourishing eachother through touch. Wasn’t it a top psychologist who said we need 4 hugs a day to survive? I could express my love to someone, and be loved.

 

Making love

 

But I will admit that often the physical intimacy was intense. For someone who fiercely protects her own space, it was a workout being in close proximity to others, and sharing so much intimacy. And I wasn’t the only one, many of the others did too.
How many of us have intimacy issues? I think most of us do. We have such fear of our boundaries being violated, and of truly being held and accepted as we are that we close up in fear, and do not allow ourselves to be close to anyone. And then this leaks into our relationships, where both partners are scared of opening up and being close, yet at the same time want to give and receive love. One of the women opened up that she believed this was why her marriage had broken down, because she was deep down afraid of being loved.

 

I went on this retreat with many things I wanted to work on, but one of them was to push my boundaries and my comfort zone, physically and sexually. (Gently, of course.) Or how to say Yes or Maybe to more experiences.

 

In one exercise we had to dance with a partner from the heart, and then from the pussy or cock. Yes, we talked a LOT about our genitals. In dancing from here, it wasn’t physically whipping them out or joining them, but from their energy. From a place of primal lust, power and pure raw carnal shakti energy.

 

For me this was harder than I thought. Dancing from the heart- no problem. When I dance with a man this is what I do. But from my pussy? Thoughts racing through my head were, ‘I will look like a slut.’ ‘I will be a slut’ and ‘I will look ridiculous’.

 

How many of us women struggle with these thoughts? And men too.

 

Sexual Fear

 

When I shared this in the group afterwards, De’an said that this energy is so powerful that it is not bad or good, it just is. It burns like the sun.

 

Some partners I just didn’t find attractive and didn’t want to be sexual with. But I reminded myself of my wish to push my comfort zone, and so I dipped my toes in, and surrendered to feeling my body, and honouring what it was saying. I then noticed my fear of my boundaries being violated, and letting someone into my space.

 

And then we had to join the two, to dance from the heart AND the pussy. Another challenge for me, and something I am still working on integrating in my day to day life.

 

Heart and Genitals

 

This workshop really pushed my comfort zones, and brought up my fears

 

The men were blindfolded and us women could do anything to them. And I mean anything. Nothing was off limits. We could be as wild and wanton as we liked. We were like naughty school girls and I was cackling my head off in glee, because finally I could let out my inner slut. Yes, slut. I was finally letting her out to explore and welcomed her!

 

But it was also liberating because I could approach the men I was scared of and attracted to, and I could finally explore and do what I wanted. I think we all have had a fantasy of what we would do to someone we found attractive if we were allowed to, so, if it was, what would you do?

 

Then it was the ladies turn. When I was blindfolded and touched, it was also liberating. Some men’s energies I didn’t feel attracted to, but I allowed myself to surrender to the experience. And I was pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed it.

 

It was erotic, titillating and thrillingly naughty.

 

Sexy Play
The Friday and Saturday nights we had what was called sexy play parties which was a safe space to explore and live out your fantasies, with nothing off limits except what was not consented to. At the beginning we all sat down and were asked to openly discuss our fantasies, and then request for them. De’an pushed us to be direct and up front, approaching those we wanted the most and asking them, where they could then accept or decline or say maybe, and whatever their response it was accepted. In pushing us to be direct in what we wanted, and who we wanted, it was pushing us out of our comfort zones and fears of rejection.

 

For me, it was liberating in that here was a safe space where I could live my fantasy, and the point was that once you have lived your fantasy, would it change? Would it be how you expected it to be? How would you feel afterwards?

 

To be honest, mine was pretty tame. It was to be caressed all over. Some people were having full on sex. And it was allowed to watch. It is strange because it wasn’t at all like porn, it was just beautiful seeing two souls connect physically, and a reminder of just how natural sex is. Here there was no shame, no guilt, no taboo. All was open and laid bare.

 

And then the most strange thing was sharing it with the group the next day, of how you found the party and the sexy play, what bothered you or made you feel uncomfortable, what fears came up, and what anxieties.

 

On the last night, in the second sexy play party, I felt like I was finally stepping into myself. I danced with wild abandon, leaping across the floor not caring what I looked like, and I felt so completely and utterly free. And this is one thing I want to take from this, how free I became in my body and myself.

 

Naked emotionally

 

 It felt like my body was breathing a sigh of relief, that I could truly let myself out.

 


 

This is enough to write for now, next week I will share more of this out of this world retreat.

 

I want to leave you with this question, 
Define Taboo

Why you NEED to practise Body Awareness!

 

Healing process and life purpose

 

 

Body Awareness

 

Body awareness is not something that is really encouraged or taught, apart from in sports and exercise, but even then it is with the view of overcoming the pain and stiffness rather than going deeply into it and staying present with it.

If we really think about it, we don’t tend to think of our bodies that much, except to criticise too much fat, not enough muscle tone or imperfections that only we can really see. We live inside our heads, in our ever busy minds, and have very little awareness from the neck down.

Even in spiritual disciplines of meditation, the focus is on the chattering monkey of the mind rather than the body.


 

Here is a little icebreaker for you

 

I want you to look at your big toe.

Take off any shoes or socks and take a good look at it. Notice the patterns of skin and what ridges there are, hairs. Now feel it with your fingers.

Does it feel warm or cold?

Feel the spongeyness of the flesh between your fingers. 
Now take your felt awareness inside of your toe.

Notice any sensations you feel there. Perhaps a tingling, a heaviness, a warmth?

I wonder if it is now occurring to you that this big toe is permanently attached to you, and it has been there since you were formed in the womb, yet you haven’t been truly aware of it until now?

What about for the rest of your body? Do you give any importance to your body at all?


 

Our bodies

 

The body stores memories and traumas, just as much as the mind does. The body is your best interface for processing the outside world. They say that your heart and mind can lead you astray, but your gut never lies.

So by being disconnected from our bodies, we are disconnected from ourselves.


 

In my personal experience, I know when something is right for me, or wrong for me, by the way it feels in my body. By cultivating a relationship with my body, and learning to interpret it’s different sensations and symptoms as messages it wants to communicate with me, I have learnt to live a life that is more in tune with who I really am, and my true desires.

The secret? Constantly checking in with my body, and trusting it to guide me.

It is something I am constantly preaching to anybody when they tell me that they struggle with anxiety, with worry or with low mood: get in tune with your body and what it is telling you. If they don’t know what the answer is: listen to your body. If they feel like they are pushing against a brick wall in life and feel like nothing is working: get into your body.

By really being present in your body, you are more HERE. More in the now. It gives you an anchor to ground you throughout the turbulences of the mind, and the dramas of life. In meditation you are asked to find that still point.

 

 

That is easy, the still point is your body.


 

I am going to share a very basic technique to help you get back into your body, and this can be done anywhere, but preferably in the beginning in a comfy chair. 

Take a deep breath in, and then sigh it out.

Now feel how your body feels in the chair.

How your bum feels against the cushion and where the skin makes contact with it. Feel your legs and where they make contact with the chair, or the floor.

Feel the position they are in.

How do your bum and legs feel from the inside?

Notice what sensations you feel.

Heavy, tingling, warm, fuzzy, tickly? 

Now take your awareness down to your feet.

Are they touching the floor? Or are they dangling?
I want you to bring all of your awareness and focus down to your feet.
Go round each toe, the arch, the sole and the ball. Feeling them from the inside, and how the skin feels from the outside.
Notice what sensations you feel.
You will find that your mind will be chattering away, that is normal.
When you notice it chattering, observe how the energy is in your head rather than in your body, and then zap your awareness down into your body again.
Now take your awareness to each part of your body, feeling everything from the inside. 
Notice whether certain parts feel at ease, or tense.
And notice if anything feels particularly pleasant, or unpleasant.
Now I want you to be aware of any discomfort, twinges or aches that are taking your attention, anywhere in your body.
Take your awareness down to that discomfort, and simply feel it from the inside.
Get into feeling it completely with all of your awareness.
Whenever you notice your focus going to your mind, bring it back down to your body, and then shift the energy down to your feet.

 

This is such a simple tool that can be used anywhere, and can be particularly useful when you are walking by putting your focus into your feet and how they feel against the ground. When you find your mind wandering throughout the day, practise bringing it back into your body.

The more you practise this, the more you will be aware of how your body is reacting to things happening in your life, either by making you tense or making you open up in pleasure.

You begin to notice that the situations that make you tense up are situations that are stressful and anxiety provoking. Or you notice yourself tensing up around certain people, who it turns out are people that bring you down, are sucking your energy or make you angry.

 

In tune

 

And the more you notice the situations and people that make you open in pleasure, or buzz with happiness, that is your signal that these are in tune with who you really are.

‘When you find your soul path, a team of wild horses couldn’t keep you from it. So look for the signs; look for the little corners. Look for something that gives you joy. Look for something that gives you energy. Look for something that you do even when you’re tired, even when you’re sick, even when you’re supposed to be doing something else. (She laughs gently.) Find your passion. And that will point you to your soul purpose.’
Mary Magdalene, channelled through Mercedes Kirkel

It is that simple: To get back to who you really are, and your life purpose, to be more grounded and present all you have to do is go is feel your body again!

Is body awareness part of your practice?

 


 

 

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Why are women clingy after Sex? I am taking a risk here!

 

I feel like I am taking a risk here

 

I have wanted to write about Sex on this blog for a while now, but I was too scared. It is one of the topics I am most passionate about, and have the strongest opinions on, but I am aware that by publicly voicing my views and experiences I would be opening myself up to strong criticism. Could I handle that?

 

Sexuality in my writing

 

In my personal life, I am not shy of speaking about inappropriate topics, or the taboo. I have a fascination with them: Why do we make some topics taboo, and others socially acceptable? After I left Christianity I made a resolution to explore everything, especially the taboo and the unspoken topics.
Many of my friends are quite surprised that a woman will talk so openly about sex.

 

But why not? I refuse to bow to social niceties that to be ladylike I must be demure and appear shy around sex. This belief confines us to a box of fear that somehow a sexual woman is a dangerous woman. We have been burned at stakes, excommunicated from churches and slut shamed in the media for this for hundreds of years.

 

Enough

 

I am a woman who enjoys sex, and talks openly about sex. It does not mean I take a different man into bed every night, nor does it does not mean that I will sleep with anyone to appease my deep insecurities of feeling unloved. And it does not mean that I want to be catcalled or receive inappropriate behaviour.

 

Now I have established a few of my ground rules, let’s proceed.

 

 

Let me tell you about my group of male friends. Sex is a topic that comes up often in our discussions, and it surprises me while they may boast about sex, they are actually in the dark about many things.

 

Case in point:

 

One friend, let’s call him, Juan, was saying how he doesn’t understand why women become clingy after he sleeps with them. He is Spanish with a deep voice and a very funny way with the English language. Imagine that we are all sitting in a beer garden on a balmy summer’s evening, ‘Why cannot we fill eachothers necessities and then, ‘bye bye!’. Why she wants to know everything about me and want to control my life?’.

 

Good question, Juan,

 

Clingy

 

I could go into the science here and talk about how when a woman has sex, the bonding chemical oxytocin is released, meaning that no matter how casually we will hop into bed with someone, once the act is done, our instincts kick in and we want to bond.

 

But I want to explore this from an energetic and Tantric perspective, because while hormones have a vital role to play in our physiological and emotional makeup, so does our energy systems.

 

The physical act of man/woman sex is different for both parties.
(Yes I know, blindingly obvious, just hear me out, ok?)

 

Private

 

Whereas for a man, he is penetrating the woman. In the book, ‘The Joy of Sex’, Alex Comfort says that this is the fundamental difference between men and woman for sex. The woman is literally letting the man in, whereas the man is literally entering her. If you were to let somebody into your most private place, wouldn’t you feel affected afterwards?

 

In Tantra, they teach that women are more naturally heart attuned. Meaning that we tend to live in our heart centres more than men. This is a general rule, and it does not mean that men cannot be heart centred too, or indeed that men have no heart! When a woman is orgasming, the energy rushes straight up to her heart chakra, in the act of receiving the man’s energy, while for the man his energy shoots out of his sacral. Hence for women, sex is generally (not always!) a more emotional experience than for men.

 

The idea in Tantra is to teach men to bring the energy of the orgasm up to their heart centres, and for women to bring it more into their sacral centres, thus balancing the couple.

 

In Taoist philosophy, the vagina contains reflexology points just like the feet do, and thus the Cervix is the point for the heart centre. So during sex, a woman is literally opening up her heart to a man at the same time as opening her legs.

 

Maybe now it makes more sense that women become emotionally attached after sex?

 

Speaking from personal experience, this has certainly been the case for me. A close friend of mine puts it very bluntly, ‘Once the willy goes in, everything changes’.

 

But I also have something else to add to the mix.

 

Sex, Lovemaking

 

Most people are very unconscious when it comes to sex. It is a perfunctory act based on what we think we ought to do- mainly influenced by porn. The focus is on the end goal of the orgasm, and it is a sad fact that most blokes who go out looking for casual sex do it with little respect or love for the woman (or man) they are doing it with. To them, the goal is simply to ejaculate, meaning the act is often only 10 minutes long at the most.

 

There is little foreplay, little true respect and admiration given to the woman’s body, little understanding of a woman’s erogenous zones and how it all works, and if you ask any woman (and I have asked many), it is simply not long enough! It is such a common problem that once a woman has truly warmed up, the man tires and finishes.

 

Us women are more sensitive that you give us credit for. Whether we are aware of it or not, we can energetically sense when a man is entering a woman from a place of love and respect, or just to satisfy his own needs. And if it is the latter, then is it no wonder that deep down we feel starved of love and want to attach? We can also sense if a man is feeling troubled and insecure, and if he is trying to fill that void of insecurity with sex.

 

Kim Anami, one of my favourite people ever online, says that women are chronically underf*cked. It has been established by many sexperts that a woman needs at least half an hour of foreplay (which includes flirting, touching, kissing on the mouth) to become fully aroused and ready for penis in vagina sex, and when she is fully aroused she can not only orgasm multiple times but needs it to be a long time before she is fully satisfied.

 

She also waxes lyrical that when a man is entering a woman, he is not only entering her body, but her soul, and the longer he stays inside her, the deeper he goes, and the more he unravels her.

 

Quick fumble

 

Is it no wonder that women attach after sex: it wasn’t enough!!

 

I hope this sheds a little more light on this, from a woman’s perspective.

 

And for the men reading this: I love you deeply. You have the potential to be exquisite lovers, and to have women literally falling at your feet, if you invest in the time to fully make love to a woman.

 

Trust me on this.
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Happy New Year! Here are my intentions for 2015.

Here we are, it is 2015.

 

A fresh New Year, and a New Beginning. I don’t know about you, but I really felt the energy of the coming year on New Year’s Eve, and it has been building up for a few weeks now. I feel like I am standing on the edge of the brink, and about to dive in.

 

But into what? What will this year bring? What will I bring to the year?

 

I firmly believe in doing a little ritual at the end of every year that signifies letting go of the past year, and then setting my intentions for the year to come. On the 30th of December I took myself to the beach and cast stones into the water. With each stone I gave thanks for something that happened during 2014- either an experience, people or a lesson learned- and then I put a wish for 2015. It wasn’t complicated or fancy, I am too lazy for that. It was just a simple way of letting go and looking forward.

 

2015 blog

 

So this are my intentions for 2015

 

 

Continue recovering, in body, mind and spirit
How far I have recovered never fails to stagger me. I could never have imagined 5 years ago, bedridden and a nervous wreck, that I would be this well now. But there is still further to go, I am not quite there yet. So I want to continue getting stronger, my energy system to be calmer and more grounded, to feel more grounded in my body.

 

 

Move into a supportive house

I am moving house in a few months, into more independence. I intend to move into a supportive shared house with friendly housemates.

 

 

Grow my blog and website, and reach even more beautiful souls
I have been so blessed in discovering the Bright Eyed and Blog Hearted blogging course, because it has opened up the world of writing and blogging for me, and I have rediscovered my love of writing. Now I intend to grow my baby even more, and reach out to more people.

 

 

Meet even more wild, unique, dazzling souls
I love meeting people who I vibe with. It makes my heart come alive and start singing, and it reminds me why I am on this journey.

 

Heart Connections

This photo is from an evening of spiritual discussion in another city. It was amazing to connect with strangers in such a profound way,

This photo is from an evening of spiritual discussion in another city. It was amazing to connect with strangers in such a profound way,

 

 

 

More Tantra
It is time to walk the walk as well as talk the talk. It is time to dive even further into my practise and experience, so I intend do do more workshops and courses on this beautiful practise.

 

 

 

Pack my suitcase and go!

I have wanted to do this for so long, but felt paralysed by physical limitations and anxiety, but now I know that if I pursue my dreams of seeing more of the world soon, I will not progress further. And I am feeling like a caged tiger, pacing around, so I know that I am ready to spread my wings further.

 

 

 

Start dancing!
Bachata, Tango and Salsa look so juicy and I want to start learning. My friend Sara wants to go too! So here’s to evenings of dancing!

 

 

Improve my upper body and arm strength
I had to give up gymnastics 11 years ago, but acrobatics never left my heart. Now I want to make some tentative steps back into this world, and I know that I need to be able to support my body weight on my hands. So press ups here we come.

 

 

Improve my flexibility
Similarly, I need to be more bendy to do acrobatics again. I could do the spilts and back bends years back. Time to limber up. Ouch.

 

 

I don’t know about you but I feel so excited for 2015! I hope that 2015 proves to be an even brighter year for you too, so what intentions are you making?

 

Tell me in the comments below, or via my Facebook page. If you haven’t already, give it a ‘like’ to follow all my latest musings and blog posts.

How to cope with Christmas Depression

Christmas is the most wonderful time of year isn’t it?!

 

…No?

 

For more people than you would think, it most definitely isn’t.

 

Christmas can be an extremely difficult time of year. We are expected to be happy and enjoying ourselves, but for many people it can be a time of real depression and loneliness, along with increased physical symptoms. So many have no family or loved ones to spend Christmas with, others have lost a loved one and are reminded that they are not here. For those struggling with chronic illness, it can be a time of worsening symptoms due to the stress of emotions running high, handling family, presents and the expectation to be happy. It is the time of year where we look back over the past year, and many painful memories can come flooding back. It is really no surprise that Samaritans (a crisis line) receive the most calls around this time of year. It also doesn’t help that familiar routine is disrupted because regular social activities, schools and therapy sessions take a two week break.

 

I know personally what it is like to struggle at Christmas, so here I share some tips to help you get through this difficult time of year.
 

 

Gentle Exercise
Moving your body in a gentle way, even if it is only a few stretches- please do not treat this as a time to punish your body with exhausting workouts!– release feel good endorphins and helps move stagnant energy around your body, helping lift your mood. Even better if you can do this outside, in daylight. I find that exercise helps shift any stuckness I am feeling, and I always feel in a different state of mind afterwards.

 

Daylight
This is so important! Christmas is the time of year (in the Northern hemisphere) where we get the least daylight, and for many this affects our mood significantly. Make sure you get at least an hour of daylight to give you a boost of serotonin. I would also really recommend a lightbox, which is a light that simulates natural sunlight to compensate for the lack of it in winter. I can honestly say this has saved my sanity every winter for the past 10 years.

 

Don’t isolate yourself
While it is often necessary to have alone time, make sure that you still spend time with nurturing, supportive people you love you because completely isolating yourself will make a low mood much worse.

 

Eat and drink in moderation
While Christmas is the traditional time to gorge on rich food, if you are using food as an emotional coping mechanism, you often end up feeling a huge sense of guilt afterwards which will add to a low mood. Do enjoy the delicious food, but just don’t go overboard.

 

As for alcohol, I would honestly advise avoiding it altogether. Alcohol is a depressant, and it will distort your perception making anything unpleasant or painful feel ten times worse. If you do choose to indulge in some mulled wine because it is pleasurable for you (and I firmly believe in the healing power of pleasure), then keep an eye on how it is affecting you and stop when you have had enough.

 

Avoid stimulants
While alcohol is a depressant, it is also best to avoid stimulants, like caffeine and ESPECIALLY caffeine ‘energy’ drinks! These are honestly the worst thing for you, even for healthy people, because while they will give you a temporary energy boost, they make you come down feeling a lot worse than before (not dissimilar to taking cocaine). Not to mention messing up your blood sugar and insulin levels, these will mess up your whole body and throw it completely out of balance, leading to more mood instability. Avoid Avoid Avoid!

 

Stick to regular routines if possible
While your social activities will be on a break, try and stick to some sort of normal routine, like waking up and going to bed at the same time, and sticking to meal times. It means that you retain some feeling of normality during this period.

 

Give yourself a treat everyday
This doesn’t (always) mean food, but things like a glorious bubble bath, a foot rub, a feel good film or a cuddle with a pet. Anything that is pleasurable for you and makes you feel good (and yes, that includes sex or self pleasuring! The serotonin and oxytocin that are released are huge feel good hormones, not to mention good exercise). Pleasure is good for us! And by consciously giving ourselves something lovely, we are affirming to ourselves that we are worthy of feeling good. Because we are!

 

Day by day

 

One thing that my mum used to tell me, which was something she was told when she was struggling, is to take things one day at a time. And if that is too much, one hour at a time. If it is all too much to think about, just think about getting through the next hour, or next day, and don’t think any further.

 

Kindness Kindness Kindness

 

It is OK to be feeling down at this time of year! You are definitely not alone and it is not your fault, so, PLEASE! Don’t beat yourself up for feeling bad.

 

I would also recommend scheduling a therapy session for as soon after the Christmas break as possible.

 

Finally, I want to leave you with this:

 

This will pass

 

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you a joy filled Christmas.
If you found this post helpful, I would LOVE to hear from you, either in the comments below on via my Facebook page.

 

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